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 Residue

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Syrena

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PostSubject: Residue   Thu May 15, 2014 10:50 pm


May 26th 11:00pm
I know what a residual haunting is, thought Karen as the clock struck eleven. A residual haunting is when an event leaves such a mark on the atmosphere of a place that it repeats itself or at least a version or part of itself. The creepy old hotel where Karen was staying was said to be full of them.
Karen tucked her long straight brown hair into a clumsy ponytail and shoved her video camera into the front pocket of her backpack, then headed out the door to do a little ghost hunting. Through the perfectly kept but seemingly shadowy halls, she walked quietly across the floorboards that were just old enough to creak with her footsteps. She knew where she wanted to go, the fourth floor. The fourth floor has the scariest ghost stories about widowed brides that walked moaning down the halls at night, or headless horsemen that could be seen through the large stain glass window near the stairs, or the ghost of three little children whose parents left and never came back. First she looked for the ghost of the Weeping Widow from room 413. She wandered up and down the halls looking at door after door ignoring the stares of the sparse guest who populated the hallway at this time of night. No luck. Then she searched one end of the floor listening for the laughter and other various noises associated with children at play, but all she heard was the thunder and rain of the thunderstorm outside. Then after nearly an hour of searching she went to examine the great stain glass window. Karen was taken aback by the beauty of the window, so much that she forgot to look for the headless horsemen beyond it. The simple beauty of the lilies and roses in the foreground was breathtaking. There was also a woman in the background who looked behind her as if in sorrow. The woman had dark hair and bright blue eyes that lit up with every flash of distant lightning. Both the woman and the flowers were astounding, captured by the artist in full bloom and immortalized at their peak. Karen reached out with gentle fingers to touch the bright glass, but it was then that the clock struck twelve.
Suddenly, Karen was engulfed by a cacophony of wailing and she saw a gliding figure in the hall and behind her, or maybe through her, Karen could make out the shapes of ghostly children in a wild game of chase. Behind her she heard hoof beats but she did not turn for the wailing woman was coming closer and closer. Karen reached for her camera as she took a step back. This was a mistake. Karen felt the beautiful window shatter and shards of lilies and roses and dark hair fell around her into the stormy night. In those few seconds before she hit the ground, Karen felt almost nothing, nothing but the loss of the beautiful window, for the loss of a beautiful thing is very sad. Then there was nothing.
Somewhere below, a tour guide led his eager fledgling ghost hunters to the spot where it is said that at midnight some can still see the figure of a young girl falling through a window, although it was many years ago that the event occurred.

May 27th. 11:00pm
I know what a residual haunting is thought Karen as a clock struck eleven. A residual haunting is when an event leaves such a mark on the atmosphere of a place that it repeats itself or at least a version or part of itself. The creepy old hotel where Karen was staying was said to be full of them.


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Syrena

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PostSubject: Re: Residue   Thu May 15, 2014 11:07 pm

I stayed in a "haunted hotel" over spring break and wound up with ideas for a collection of short stories of which this is the first. I will post the others if I get positive feedback on this one which is also in the free writing section.
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SodaSpartan

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PostSubject: Re: Residue   Thu May 15, 2014 11:15 pm

Nice one molly, I liked the end where it repeated because of the haunting

Keep it up Smile

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pjkio03
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PostSubject: Re: Residue   Wed May 21, 2014 9:18 pm

I absolutely love this story. It kept me guessing right up to the end. I love how the ghost hunter became a ghost herself. 

Anyways, the detail is good and the idea is great and I don't really have anything bad to say.

Keep posting these Smile

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keaton snow

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PostSubject: Re: Residue   Fri May 23, 2014 2:00 pm

great job molly! I felt as if I were really there. keep it up!! Very Happy

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TriSARAHtops

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PostSubject: Re: Residue   Sat May 31, 2014 8:09 am

This was a really clever little piece. Pretty short but still totally effective - you had some great descriptions and nice suspense. Loved the creepy mood you had created by the end.
Only nitpick is that there were a couple of sentence that felt like they could have been split up to improve the flow a little better. Just ask if you'd like me to be more specific. But I didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes to complain about - yay!
Great job and hope you keep posting these!
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